breathe! we are alive

i can't deny, its been almost a year since i left Indonesia. and i live this moment to cultivate my dreams, watch them growing yet weakening due to my inner strength. how essential is planning for the future yet remembering that i'm alive in the present moment--because human can be very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. so i try to seek the balance. 

back to the couple months ago when i was worrying about internship-- since i had no clue regarding to working permit and stuffs-- i was so hurry to lived 24 hours per day and slightly became a goal orientated person that made me forget to enjoy the route.

the person who got frustrated when the things she's done seemed aimless. then, often i told my self, "don't just sit there, do something!" but now i discover that the opposite may be more helpful,"don't just do something, sit here!". maybe i must learn to stop from time to time in order to see clearly. the idea is, "stopping" may look like kinda of resistance of modern life, but it is not. i figured it out that it is not just a reaction; it is a way of life. humankind's survival depends on the ability to stop rushing. we have more than 50.000 nuclear bombs, and yet cannot stop making more. "stopping" is not only to stop the negative, but to allow positive healing to take place.

this idea also allows me think effectively. most of my time, i think too much --there are thousands thoughts spread sporadically in my head-- the idea of "stop" in order to take a "breath" helps me stop thinking so much and stop being possessed by sorrows of the past and worries about the future. i do believe, thinking is important, but quite a lot of our thinking is useless (hahahahaha). it is as if, in our head, each of us has a cassette tape that always running, day and night. we think of this and we think of that, and it is difficult (almost impossible) to stop. with a cassette we can just press the stop button but there's no stop button with our thoughts. 

the past is gone, the future is on my reach. but firstly, i have to go back to myself --as being conscious alive-- in this present moment to be in touch with life.